by David Deida, Blue Truth

​

reflections

As this calendar year comes to a close, I sit with immense gratitude for the challenges, growth, and joy the past 12 months have gifted me. I have been reminded as well as taught the utmost importance of being clear with my needs & desires, setting & holding strong boundaries, and the acceptance of what is in each passing moment. 2024 has been filled with uncertainty, sadness, mental health fluctuations, anger, and grief within myself and for the world. I’ve come to understand that these states are temporary, part of the universal human experience, and have ultimately led to deep understanding, healing, and invaluable lessons. This growth has allowed me to be more grounded, secure, and certain of who I am, what I offer, and how I show up. In turn, the core theme that has emerged is to create the life I want within and around me while surrendering to the mysteries of the universe.
​
At the start of the year, I was still riding the high of returning to Aotearoa, but felt uncertain about my relationships - with myself, the land, and the people around me. Old patterns resurfaced, reminding me of the inner work still to be done. I was often exhausted without many commitments, and even though I was in a beautiful part of the world with no major conflicts and reasons to feel unsafe, it was clear that I wasn't thriving and living my best life. I knew something needed to change, and was increasingly frustrated with the lack of clarity and direction.
​
A major turning point came as I was introduced to the Rites of Passage Foundation in Mohua Golden Bay to support their kuapapa (purpose/principle) to mark and celebrate the transition from one life stage to the next. Their programs "address the increase in isolation, anxiety and mental health challenges by providing tools and resources for young people to navigate challenges in their environments and to actualise their goals through nature connection, storytelling, physical challenges, games, ceremony and creative arts." My time there was profoundly stirring and transformational. I recall confronting my fears of inadequacy, feeling not "manly" enough, while carrying judgements, trauma, and pain and shared stories & experiences while others of all ages also poured forth from an honest and vulnerable place. I got to serve nourishing food for the group, and this fondly reminded me of time with Conscious Impact in Nepal. Witnessing the connection between the fathers and sons broke me to absolute tears. As I sat with the realization that not only is this something that young-me has been desiring-craving for decades without fruition, that I fully have the capability in addition to permission to release the gaping emotional hole within. How? By starting the process to transmute this long-seated sadness and yearning into truths and declaration to stand strong on my own within the container of trust made of a circle-village of men who have my back and believe in me. That week in the beginning of the year marked a pivotal point of further letting go of identifying as the victim of my parents' and their parents' "wrongdoings" to me from birth to adulthood. A massive weight was lifting energetically off my psyche & being.
​
In the weeks that followed, it became clearer that I needed to physically move and be in an environment that would better suit my well-being and of my financial, social, and professional needs. In late-summer (in the southern hemisphere), I left rural Motueka Valley with my belongings, disappointments, hopes, and aspirations for a new chapter in Ōtautahi Christchurch, a city that I had called home between late 2017 to early 2018.
​
Rekindling old connections while making new ones in a city that is modern, clean, connected, with networking and work opportunities, yet still laid back, and increasingly multi-cultural with relative ease of access to nature & wilderness proved to be an excellent decision for me. I stepped into familiar as well as unfamiliar social circles, rented a flat for the first time in years, took on odd jobs at first, had plenty of solo time, and continued to unearth the significance of all my relations with people and place. There was so much discomfort and unknown in those first months of being in the city. This was my first winter down under, and those long nights brought about some tough, hard look inwardly to reevaluate where I was at and why I wasn't feeling satisfied and fulfilled. I found myself often an emotional mess and felt unmotivated, pessimistic, and vengeful. In hindsight, winter gifted me new beginnings in those dark, cold, and often lonesome days and evenings. Thankfully, my living situation felt secure and safe.
​
Matariki, or Māori New Year, took place just after winter solstice in late June. I had the unforgettable experience of waking up before dawn to join a village of Māori folks celebrating their recently revived tikanga (tradition) to gather under the stars to remember and honour lost loved ones, sing their waiata (songs), and set intentions for the new year. The two words that emerged out of that time was honesty and courage. I knew I needed both to push forward once more and achieve my goals and dreams of remaining and thriving on this whenua (land) that I wish to call and make home. I believe that this nomad (pointing at self) has found home.
​
Miracles began to happen left and right as I put this new-found clarity into action. I refined my creative tools, embraced journaling, and practiced open, honest communication with myself and others. I made nature time non-negotiable, even if it's simply a walk in the nearby park. I said yes to invitations from friends I admire and trust. I spent time more intentionally with people who resonate with my ethics & aspirations (and vice versa). I began to receive requests to capture photos and videos & story-tell for local businesses, charitable trusts, and individuals that are in alignment with my values. I held space with greater reverence for those who share open-heartedly with me. I expanded my social circles to learn different ways of being, exposing myself to a wider spectrum of lived and felt human experiences that also leads to a deeper acceptance of my own. Te ao Māori, the worldview, culture, language, and structures of the Māori people of Aotearoa New Zealand and the darker, covered-up history of colonization and white supremacy of this whenua, came into the forefront on a number of occasions to better my knowledge, understanding, and role as a newcomer and ally of harmony, inclusion, and peace. Although my emotional and spiritual well-being was fluctuating pretty wildly, I took the good juju through these first wins to give an open invitation for my parents to visit. I was outwardly confident that by November the weather would be quite lovely (being late spring) and could not think of a more opportune time period to welcome them here to be their tour guide and introduce them to some of my beloved connections and places while their health, time, and resources are still abundant.
​
Meanwhile, as we crawled through and slowly out of winter, a medicine concert further reconnected me to spirit, a sailing journey taught me the vastness of the moana (ocean) along with the rich (and often not well-known) history of oceanic voyages by Pasifika wayfinders, a winter camping mission rekindled my love and need for quiet, spaciousness, and awe with nature, being in support of Palestine and Māori rallies reminded me the power of the people when we come together for unity and justice, and a wānanga (traditional knowledge/place of learning) with my Māori relatives showed me camaraderie, acceptance, strength, and aroha (love, compassion, respect, kindness) which moved me profoundly. As I struggled through the dissolving of the very relationship that carried me back to Aotearoa New Zealand, the coldest and grayest months proved to be full of fruitful darkness. I now look back at this time period now with gratitude for my own resilience and for the support of invaluable people and circles near and far. Big shoutout to both my men's groups especially through this past year.

Spring has captivated me in a way I have not felt or experienced in a long time. It is as if the warming of the temperatures and new budding on stems and branches coincided with the synchronicity with the thawing of my winter soul and emerging out of hibernation to sing the songs of hope, optimism, and drive once again. The freelance mahi (work) continues to diversify, increase in frequency and compensation while staying within the alignment of values. I have had 2 opportunities to return to be in service of the Rites of Passage Foundation while I kept working on my own shadows and healing. I have been attending workshops and gatherings that reaffirm my learnings and the importance of safe spaces for sharing and connections from a genuine place. I'm steadily letting go of people pleasing. I am improving relationships with loved ones who enrich my life a priority, including that with my mom & dad -- especially during their week-long visit here in November -- while accepting the ones that cannot be changed. I rediscovered and reignited my inner flame to drive the engine of (co)creation for art, expression, and play. After months of not having done anything for the podcast that I launched when I first re-landed in Aotearoa NZ, I recently recorded a new, engaging conversation with a new dear friend that will be produced into an episode.
​
As 2024 comes to a close and summer kicks off here down under, it is prime time to reflect on the lessons small & big, forgive others and myself, give mihi (gratitude/acknowledgements) to all the moments and teachers, build & deepen trusting relationships, and celebrate this beautiful new chapter. I will keep walking down the path of bettering the relationship with myself and intentionally attract, instead of chase, what I truly desire and need in my life to keep learning, shedding, and expanding. More space to feel and make decisions from a place of response rather than reactivity. I have an healthy network-community around me and also an immensely supportive, loving, and playful partner who I admire deeply by my side. She reminds me everyday we are together that our wildest dreams are possible with clarity, consistency, and confidence. I believe more than ever the life my heart knows is possible will be created with honesty, courage, gratitude, and commitment to what serves my core being. With humility, I encourage you to pause and honour your own journey of joys, challenges, and lessons to keep sailing and share + celebrate with me when the time calls. Let us commit together to a thriving 2025 in all the ways with honesty and courage.
​
多謝大家。
Mauri ora,
Kai aka Jonathan
​
My curiosities for you, my dear reader:
a) What challenges this year shaped your growth or revealed your inner strength?
b) What moments of celebration have you embraced this year?

-

I took and kept 12k images for 2024.
Below are 24 images - 2 from each month - visually depicting important/special moments, places, and people.

good news

Handpicked goodness from around our earth, and even more here if you wish to feel more optimistic about the future. I know I do.
As always, thank you, FixTheNews.

• Deforestation in the Amazon has halved in two years​
  Brazil’s space agency, INPE, confirmed a second consecutive year of declining deforestation in the Brazilian Amazon. That means deforestation rates have roughly halved under Lula, and are now approaching all time lows. In Colombia, deforestation dropped by 36%, hitting a 23-year low. Bolivia created four new protected areas, a huge new new state park was created in Pará to protect some of the oldest and tallest tree species in the tropical Americas and a new study revealed that more of the Amazon is protected than we originally thought, with 62.4% of the rainforest now under some form of conservation management.
• Historic conservation agreement in Canada​
  22 Indigenous governments in Canada’s Northwest Territories have signed on to receive funding worth $375 million over the next 10 years. One of the largest Indigenous-led conservation efforts in the world, the agreement will fund the protection of conservation areas, eco-tourism, and cultural programs. CBC​
• Salmon return after historic Klamath River dam removal|
  One month after the completion of the largest dam removal project in US history, as many as 115 salmon per day are returning to the Klamath River to spawn. A historic victory for local tribes, the dam removal has also resulted in lower average water temperature and fewer harmful algal blooms in the river. AP​
• Indonesia to phase-out coal and gas power within 15 years​
  Big story. The Indonesian government plans to phase out all coal-fired and fossil fuel power plants by 2040. Fossil fuels accounted for 81% of Indonesia’s electricity generation capacity between 2018 and 2023, making this ambitious transition a highly positive step toward a cleaner energy future. Bloomberg​
• Transformative progress in Africa’s fight against tuberculosis ​
  The WHO's latest TB report shows Africa has made the greatest progress among all regions in tackling the world’s deadliest infectious disease, with a 42% reduction in deaths and a 24% decrease in infection rates since 2015. Top of the table is Zambia, whose TB preventive treatment efforts between 2018 and 2022 have cut the rate of HIV-associated TB by half and reduced deaths by nearly 80%.
• Incredible progress in reducing infant mortality in South Asia​
  This year we learned about one of the greatest human progress stories of all time: between 1990 and 2022, the number of young children in South Asia dying each year fell from five million to 1.3 million. In these nine countries (India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Iran, Afghanistan, Bhutan, Maldives, Nepal, and Sri Lanka) the probability that a child will die before the age of five has fallen by 62% since 2000. Those are staggering numbers, and well worth remembering the next time anyone insists the world was a better place a generation ago.
• Gaza's polio campaign gave us a glimpse of light
  ​In August 2024, a baby contracted Gaza’s first case of polio in 25 years. Humanitarian organisations snapped into action to prevent the spread of the disease, and what followed was nothing short of a miracle. Working rapidly during nine-hour humanitarian pauses, health workers provided polio vaccines to more than half a million children in September and October, and then followed that up with a second campaign to reach the same children again in November. Nine in every ten children in Gaza were vaccinated, thanks to the ‘tremendous dedication, engagement and courage of parents, children, communities and health workers’.
  ​

original work

​

My parents came all the way to Aotearoa New Zealand to visit me in November!
This video is a swift summary of their visit, and here's the full photo album documenting our time together.
​(if the link doesn't work, the album is currently pinned to the top of my FB profile)

recommendations

Videos:
​Wisdom at 96: Life Advice from a Century of Experience
​​How to save our children from cynicism | Dr. Graeme Mitchell | TEDxRRU​

Podcast: ​
Love on a Timeline with Esther Perel | What Now? with Trevor Noah Podcast Spotify | YouTube​

Book:
​Robert Fisher - The Knight in Rusty Armor (danke, Jen!)
​David Deida - The Way of the Superior Man (thank you, Ross!)

​

gratitude

For those of you who are new to the newsletter, welcome & thank you!
Your time & attention are invaluable, and I sincerely hope you find value here.

For this edition, gratitude is due for my parents, for Jen, for the Windrose community, and my men's circles. Their presence, support, and reminders for/to/with me have been invaluable especially in recent months.

This publication is a labour of love & devotion. For each edition, I spend hours compiling, writing, editing, and weaving content altogether. It is made possible in huge part due to patrons who pitch in regularly on patreon. This income has become a humble, reliable, and essential pillar of financial support. It allows this publication and the podcast to be somewhat financially feasible while keeping them ad-free (a rarity in this age, let's be honest). I must continue to thank friends + friends of friends who hire me for their portraits, weddings, business & organisational needs, etc. In the Ōtautahi Christchurch region? Book a photo/videoshoot or refer a mate who may be in need of my visual storytelling services. I am ready for blast-off for 2025 and beyond!

If you're feeling financial abundant, I'd absolutely appreciated a few dollars a month on patreon to keep everything going.
Regular contributions aren't your thing? I have a tip jar for one-off contributions - cheers!

Grateful for you Reader,

Kai (Jonathan)